WAIGURU IS THE BIG SHOW

Kenyans don’t need all the grapevine flying around as concerning Mugabe’s utterances on the kind of people we are to know that our country is aready under dogs. Not with what is unravelling in Waiguru’s office yet she isn’t moved and neither about to purge – and no one is about to poke her. The latest discoveries from her office are a bit damning but the balled iron lady is still sitting pretty in (is it?) Harambee House probably playing with some nutsack awaiting delivery of the latest batch of KShs 696,969 per condom package.

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Okay. Some stupid questions for us the stupid folk who are watching this well-lit geniusly-choreographed Burkinabe soap opera…

1. It is okay for Waiguru to have condom dispensers. It is healthy. No judgement here. Lakini custom-made condom dispensers for 450,000! Shit. What the fuck? No seriously, what kind of sex is going on over there? Ama akina Mugo Wa Wairimu, Mollis, Bro. Ochola and J Creme de la Creme work there???
2. If condom dispenser is 450k, how much did the actual condoms cost?
3. People say that Waiguru is too powerful. That she is untouchable. So what are the condoms for again?
4. A ball point pen for 8,700. What will that do? Rewrite history?
5. What is a government office doing with a DVD player? This is 2015. And it costs 45,000.
6. You spend 1.7 million on a TV.  Nangoja kusikia they used another 200k for the ariel.
7. One Piano costing Sh. 235,900 is not even a good piano. But what are they using a piano for? What will she even play, dead? I hope so.
8. Business cards worth Sh. 1.5 million? But who does not know Waiguru and what she does? (to be honest, I dont).
9. Clearly, there are no limits for this woman called Waiguru. She downloaded Adobe for Ksh.1.9m. Aki si she will even spend 100k to watch a YouTube clip?
10. If they used 1.9 million to buy a freely downloaded Adobe, then who’s to say they haven’t already asked 4 another Eurobond to buy Microsoft Office?
11. I am here with a 20k Toshiba when Waiguru’s bloggers are living the life with 40k Keyboard, 25k flash, and 180k iPad, 970k antivirus, 206k laptop, a KShs 30,499 mouse that they baggained from KShs 30,505.
Dayum!
12. Now Twitter has a new version. Anne Waiguru will spend 50k to upgrade to the new version.
13. Waiguru must be a good customer. Si she will even buy a lie for 500k?
14. Maybe she has a dedicated PornHub speed dial on her KShs 690,000 Infinix Hot Note. Infinix? Oh yes, the Govt has no money to afford buying any iPhone series leave alone shipping costs.
15. The Ministry of Devolution spent Ksh. 6.5 million to release the Dj.Creme sextape.

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As someone said, kama kuna mtu ametahiriwa hii Jubilee government (mwanaume halisi) ni huyu Anne Waiguru. Waiguru should not even be allowed to attend concerts because she will steal the show!

I am yet to get a leakage of this year’s KCPE papers to confirm the amount of truth in the rumour going around that these questions feature in the GHCRE (Sorry. It’s Social Studies) paper.

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